Wholly

Today I was having myself a big ole' mess of anxiety. I was convincing myself that nothing felt good, safe or secure. I even began to conclude that leaving our job to come back home was a horrible mistake. 

I was sure that being home didn't matter  to anyone else anyway and now we were facing all kinds of uncertainties for what?

I carried that mess around all morning and afternoon. 

But then after asking someone to pray for me and doing the same for myself, I began to have a clearer mind.

We are in transition. We are moving from one stage of our lives into another. And what was comfortable and content has evolved into new and different.

So I have a choice. I can resist the process of transition or I can embrace it.

I am reminded of a man in the Bible that I love reading about when I get full of anxiety. That man is Caleb. Here is part of his story.

I was forty years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadesh-barnea to spy out the land, and I brought him word again as it was in my heart. But my brothers who went up with me made the heart of the people melt; yet I wholly followed the Lord my God. And Moses swore on that day, saying, ‘Surely the land on which your foot has trodden shall be an inheritance for you and your children forever, because you have wholly followed the Lord my God.’ And now, behold, the Lord has kept me alive, just as he said, these forty-five years since the time that the Lord spoke this word to Moses, while Israel walked in the wilderness. And now, behold, I am this day eighty-five years old. I am still as strong today as I was in the day that Moses sent me; my strength now is as my strength was then, for war and for going and coming. So now give me this hill country of which the Lord spoke on that day, for you heard on that day how the Anakim were there, with great fortified cities. It may be that the Lord will be with me, and I shall drive them out just as the Lord said.” Then Joshua blessed him, and he gave Hebron to Caleb the son of Jephunneh for an inheritance. Therefore Hebron became the inheritance of Caleb the son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite to this day, because he wholly followed the Lord, the God of Israel. (Joshua 14:7-14 ESV)

Caleb was one of the 12 spies that Moses sent to spy out the promised land. Ten of those returned and spread fear and doubt among the people, but Caleb followed the Lord wholly. He did not allow himself to be led by fear or doubt, he trusted in God with ALL OF HIS HEART.

Because of their fear, the people did not get the promised land but were made to wander until they died. 40 years later, Caleb, who was still trusting and full of strength, was blessed to enter and receive land that was promised by God. Because he followed the Lord wholly.

God expects us to be Holy. But He also expects us to be wholly His. This means we are to be trusting, devoted, eager, zealous, without hesitation.

I want to be trusting. I want to live devoted and eagerly for God in this next stage of my life. I do not want to look back. I want to be wholly His. Pray for me. 

And I will pray that you, too, are wholly living for God.