The lost coin

Bill and I have spent the weekend in Cedar Rapids, IA. We walk for exercise each day. On two different occasions this weekend we found coins while walking. Once was a dime and a penny and the other time was a dime. We always pick up these lost coins. And then put them in a bank that we keep in our truck.

We love finding these coins. We get excited. 

I don't know what they meant to the person that dropped them. Maybe they just shrugged and thought, "Oh well, just a coin." I doubt they searched and searched for the dropped coins. We seldom find quarters (which someone might bother to bend over and pick up,) and finding a dollar bill is very rare.

But this reminded me of the story that Jesus told about a woman that lost one of her coins. She lit up the house, got out the broom, got down on her knees into the dirt and searched. She hunted. She persisted. And then she found it! And she celebrated.

Of course Jesus was talking about the lost soul. The one that is lost. 

Am I willing to shine the light, gather my tools and resources, understand them where they are? Am I willing to be patient? 

Or are they just too common or too invaluable for me to even bother with?

Incomplete

When I woke up this morning I realized that I had gone to bed without completing my paperwork from our last run. We don't get paid for each trip until the paperwork is completed, scanned to our company, and processed by them. I rarely forget to finish it. So I was a little frustrated with myself when I realized it.

But I got down to the business of getting it done.

In my frustration and impatience with myself I thought about my spiritual self. 

I am a work in progress, meaning, not yet completed. Does God get impatient and frustrated with my lack of completion? Does He shake His head when He has to mold something in me that He had already molded once before but I did not hold the shape? 

I know that God is working on me and in me. And I know that He is patient and kind and is working on me continuously to bring me to completion. 

Thank You, Father God, You are the potter. I am the clay. Mold me and make me. This is what I pray.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6 NASB)

Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. (1 John 3:2 NASB)

STORGE

There are 4 distinct Greek words translated by the English word love.

STORGE is the word for the tender love and affection which exists between family members; it is the love of kindred. However in God's word it is only used in a negative sense and the word when translated means, "without natural affection."

To be without the affection of family is a sin. Tender feelings are expected in the home.

I read these words this morning in my Bible studying and I wondered for a long time on this. Everyone, I think, desires those tender, affectionate feelings in the home. But it seems to me, that very often it is lacking. And I wonder why. 

As a mother I am always trying to gather my family together. I am at my happiest when I have all my kids under my roof. This doesn't happen very often and never for very long. 

My thoughts wandered for over an hour this morning. I was thinking about the homes of my kids and my friends. What kind of tenderness and affection is thriving or lacking in these homes? 

Then I wondered why I was wondering so long and hard on this. What do you want me to see God? What do you want me to say or do? Show me my work and make me willing and able to do it.

The lost coin

Bill and I have spent the weekend in Cedar Rapids, IA. We walk for exercise each day. On two different occasions this weekend we found coins while walking. Once was a dime and a penny and the other time was a dime. We always pick up these lost coins. And them put them in a bank that we keep in our truck.

We love finding these coins. We get excited. 

I don't know what they meant to the person that dropped them. Maybe they just shrugged and thought, "Oh well, just a coin." I doubt they searched and searched for the dropped coins. We seldom find quarters (which someone might bother to bend over and pick up,) and finding a dollar bill is very rare.

But this reminded me of the story that Jesus told about a woman that lost one of her coins. She lit up the house, got out the broom, got down on her knees into the dirt and searched. She hunted. She persisted. And then she found it! And she celebrated.

Of course Jesus was talking about the lost soul. The one that is lost. 

Am I willing to shine the light, gather my tools and resources, understand them where they are? Am I willing to be patient? 

Or are they just too common or too invaluable for me to even bother with?

My photos with scripture

Depression, a personal battle

I sometimes suffer from depression and/or anxiety. Although I now believe that I have had this even as a child, I was not diagnosed until 25 years of age. 

It is an invisible illness. Most people would not be able to see that you have it even while in the midst of the worst of it.

But it can be just as debilitating as any other illness.

And too many people suffer in silence because it is such a misunderstood illness. People that do not have it many times cannot understand that it is a physical illness as well as affecting you mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. 

It wears you out physically. You really get fatigued while going through it. A lot of the time you won't eat or you don't eat right so your immune system fails and you get sick.

I do not know what causes it, but I have learned some of the things that could trigger it in me. There are many medicines that can help. Talking with a therapist can also help. There are coping skills. 

It usually affects smart people and influential people, people most others would consider strong,  but it  knows no social or economic or cultural barriers.  Here is a list of some of the symptoms that I get.

Anxiety/depression symptoms:

Nervous/jumpy

Startles easily

Heart feels strange,  like to close the speaker at a concert

Ears throb, like hearing a heartbeat 

Creeping up my neck

Function normally, but no recollection of performing tasks

No concentration

Extreme lack of patience with others

Desire to be normal to the point of OCD

Sweaty

Quiet

Bad dreams

Tired

No excitement or interest in anything

Isolation

Doesn't want to be alone

Feels alone in crowds

Panics in stores or theaters or restaurants (cannot stand or wait in lines)

Loses confidence in your abilities

No sexual desire

Crying bouts

Hates loud noises

Does not want to be touched

Does not want anyone too close to you 

It is very hard and embarrassing to admit to and I usually don't ever want to talk about or even want people to know that I have it. That is because of the reactions and comments by those that don't understand it.

I once had a very well known and highly respected evangelist tell me to "quit ruining things for your family." Other well meaning but ignorant people will say things like, 

Just get over it!

Why don't you  pray about it?

Well, what's bothering you?

It's all in your mind, Quit thinking that way!

Really?!? Does anyone think that I want to bring affliction to my family? And nobody wants it to end as much as I do, but I can't just "turn it off" or I surely would. And I have spent more time in prayer over this than any can imagine. 

I honestly am not just trying to get attention. I could think of more creative and less painful ways to do that.

Look, I don't want your pity. I don't know why I am writing this and putting it out there. I guess I just want you to know me and understand me better. I am not using it as an excuse to get out of doing things, Or to manipulate anyone else. The guilt of that would make the anxiety worse for me. Maybe I just want everyone to know and understand that we all have burdens, we all have issues, we all have needs, we all have concerns. Each of us have loads that we must carry through this life. 

Even the people that seem the strongest, even the people that appear the happiest, even the people that look like they have it all, we all have our burdens and problems. 

We need each other. We need The Lord.

Pray for me, please. I am praying for you. 

What kind of soldier

My husband and I are on military bases almost every single day. And two things strike me every time, the discipline and the duty. From the moment we pull in to the first gate, these things are very clear. 

They are serious. They are focused. They are trained. And they are dedicated. 

They do not become like us, we must become like them. They are not trying to please us or impress us. It is who and what they are.

They are unwavering in their service. It is all by the book.

What kind of soldier am I for God?

Do I understand the discipline and duty?

Am I serious, focused, trained and dedicated?

Am I steadfast and unwavering?

Am I by the book?

Do others know from the moment that they meet me that I am a soldier? 

Who am I trying to please?